Birth Plan

Apparently I missed the boat when I was pregnant with Jacob. The new fad is to have a "Birth Plan," or a list of things that you want to happen during your labor. You are supposed to come up with your plan before arriving at the hospital, and ask that the medical staff honor your wishes.

I think the medical staff cringes when they see a woman enter the hospital with her little list. I mean, the doctors went to school for 8 years. The nurses deliver babies on a daily basis. They really don't need instructions from you.

Here are a few common items women include:

-"I want to be able to eat and drink during delivery."
-"I want the ability to eat popsicles during my delivery."
WHY??? The more you drink, the more full your bladder is, and you will have to be catheterized. That is not pleasant, whether you have an epidural or not. The more you eat... well I'll leave that one alone. If you're reading this and you're a woman who has delivered a child you know what happens.

-"Baby to be placed on the mother's stomach immediately after delivery and not moved until she has relinquished him."
Good for you. I prefer a baby that is free from slime.

-"I want freedom of movement during delivery."

-"I do not want the medical staff to suggest any pain medication to me. If I want it, I'll ask for it."
Quit being such a pain in the ass. Get the epidural already.

-"I do not want my baby to be suctioned unless medically necessary."

So, after reading all kinds of sample plans, here is the plan I decided on for my delivery:

"Get the damn baby out. Period."