Things NOT to say to a pregnant woman

Yes, I realize I am large. And I still have nearly two months to go. But pointing it out to me is NOT winning you any points. And when you keep pressing the point... I'm not a happy pregnant woman.
This is the typical conversation I have with little old ladies in Wegman's or around town on nearly a daily basis:

"You look like you must be due any day now."

"Nope, I'm just big."

"Oh, it looks like twins."

"No, just one."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I've had two ultrasounds."

"You're definitely going to go early. You're just too big."

"Right... so not only are you completely insensitive to the fact that I am large, but now you're wishing a premature baby on me? Thanks."

And for the record, this is me with 35 pounds. I gained 50 with Jacob. I imagine this pregnancy will not be much different.

But of course, the conversations with little old rude ladies is nothing compared to my conversations with little old dirty men at Rotary:

"You know how you got that way, don't you?"

I can't tell you how many times I've been tempted to reply "No, I missed 7th grade health class, why don't you fill me in?" Or even better, "I sure do! Lots of wine and wild monkey sex!"